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silent sunday.

April 20, 2014 at 8:32 am

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happy birthday greg.

April 16, 2014 at 7:00 am

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Happy birthday to this guy,
the one who makes me smile and laugh
and lets me cry for no reason.

I love you!

big diy office art.

April 14, 2014 at 6:58 am

I really haven’t done too many DIY projects lately. None that I have blogged about anyway. This weekend, since Greg was working, I carved out some time to finish a big one.
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I have known I wanted a big canvas in my office since we bought this house and decided that this room would indeed be an office. I’m big on big art. I finally decided that instead of doing a big script canvas like this one, I would try something abstract. I need as much calm as I can get while working, and a script canvas just seemed too distracting and busy for this space (though I am going to make one with our wedding song for our bedroom).

Next was picking colors. Yellow seemed like an obvious choice (isn’t yellow always an obvious choice with me?), but then I saw a painting on Pinterest, and the colors just caught me. Magenta, pinkish, gold. It seemed great to go with my gray walls and cedar desks.

Abstract art is something never seems right to me until I am done with it, like the layers or blended colors are telling me “Yes, just stop here.” The same happened for this one. I didn’t want too much gold, and I could have easily gone haywire had I not stepped back and looked at it from across the room. The gold is just right for me.IMG_0213

This made me excited to make more art, for the baby’s room and who knows where else. We have a lot of space to fill yet.

silent sunday.

April 13, 2014 at 7:07 am

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wishing vs planning

April 12, 2014 at 8:47 am

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life in squares.

April 11, 2014 at 7:11 am

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It seems that it has been so ridiculously crazy around here since we moved. I feel like I am always going, always busy, always figuring out what to cook next. I like the on-the-go, but this baby has worn me out lately too. She must be going through a growth spurt because I am exhuasted, almost as much as I was in those first weeks.

I need a day or five to sleep and catch up on my DVR’ed shows. (The Good Wife! What were they thinking?!) I also want to order The Book Thief to see if it lives up to the book. (Do they ever?) I have been working some half days from home, but I never feel as productive as I do when I am at the office. It is good that my boss allows me to have the option though. As long as everything is getting done, I guess it doesn’t matter much where it is getting done.

Greg has been busy too. KC got hit with some hail a few weeks ago, and he has fixing dented cars as fast as he can. It makes for long days and late dinners, but this is his season. I know he needed a change from body work too. Hail makes him happy.

And that makes me happy.

around here.

April 9, 2014 at 6:10 am

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baby sunday is a….

April 8, 2014 at 6:22 am

itsagirl

Yes, she is. And a very busy and active one too. She is growing as she should and continues to get bigger and push on mommy’s ribs, something that is sure to get worse over the next few weeks.

The doctor recommends admitting me into the hospital at 32ish weeks just in case of preterm labor (because of autonomic dysreflexia)but I am going to hold out as long as she will let me without pushing my limits too far. I don’t want to take a chance of harming the baby at all, but also don’t want to sit around a hospital for 6 weeks doing nothing either. Gah, can you imagine how stir crazy I will be by the time the baby arrives?

A glucose test is scheduled for two weeks, and hopefully will show nothing out of the ordinary. No sugar=cranky mommy!

the way i am.

April 7, 2014 at 7:20 am

Ingrid Michaelson.

There is something about her voice, isn’t there?!

3. get a dog: meet the newest sundays.

April 4, 2014 at 7:26 am

We always knew we would get another dog when we moved. We watched Craigslist for Mastiff puppies, a little more seriously lately since we were thisclose to moving. When our house was broken into again, it was decided that yes, we needed a big dog. The kind of dog that stands in the driveway and looks scarier than hell. Greg called about a litter not far from the old house, and it turns out that not only were the owners getting rid of the pups, the parents were available too. Apparently, this family was moving too.

So meet Demus and Bella.
demus-1Demus is a brindle English Mastiff, and he is a huge dog. Greg’s brother has a male English Mastiff also, and Demus is bigger and wider for sure. This dog is just massive, and his size intimidates me a little still. I’ve never had such a huge dog.
bella-2Bella is a fawn English Mastiff and probably one of the prettiest big dogs I have ever seen. And a total sweetheart. As soon as she came out of their fence, she came right to me and nuzzled up against me, I guess to say hello.

They do well with Dixie, even though they haven’t had too much time to play yet. Demus wants to play with her, but since they both play rough, I’m kinda scared that he is going to hurt her accidentally. It’s just going to take time for them to learn about each other.

You’ll be seeing lots more of each of them I’m sure.

baby sunday.

April 3, 2014 at 7:20 am

you are the most beautiful thing
I have ever dreamed
and I haven’t even met you yet

or seen your face,
the color of your eyes

or heard your cry

or tasted your tiny baby kiss.

Still, you have stolen
my whole beating heart.

4.2.14

April 2, 2014 at 6:38 am

johnsteinbeckquote
This is perfect for April. If you’ve ever read this blog during April in past year’s (besides maybe last year, when my mind was fogged with wedding planning), you will know that April is normally a hard month for me. Everything bad (besides our wedding anniversary now) happens in April. Maybe it is a coincidence, or maybe the universe has pushed all the crap into one month so that the rest can seem stupendous. If that is the case, thank you, Universe.

This year, I am deciding that the wreck anniversary will mean nothing, only that I have rolled into (no pun intended) my 11th year paralyzed and in a wheelchair. We planned our wedding date one day after it for that reason, and I am not going back to hum-hawing around about the mark of my paralysis. Really, it doesn’t matter because I am not there anymore. I am here and happy. That is what matters.

on grief.

April 1, 2014 at 7:00 am

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They told me right away that it gets better. Time heals all wounds. He’s in a better place. There are more philosphical things that were told to me at that very exhausting and weary time, I’m sure, although those are the ones that stick with me. And maybe they’re true for those people.

But for me, it has not gotten easier, only different. The overwhelming sadness and helplessness that I felt has turned into an overwhelming yearning to have just one more conversation. I know that’s not a chance I will ever get, but that wish is still there. There were times in those first few months when I thought that I could not miss him any more than I did at that moment

on that day, but I was wrong.

I miss my dad. I think I missed him more in the past 2 weeks since my grandmother (his mother) has been gravely ill and also passed away. She looked just like him. Her mannerisms were just like him. She was feisty, just like him. I loved her greatly just like him. I am heartbroken about her death, and I am once again torn open again about how much it reminds me of my dad’s death.

Today marks 10 months, and still I have not been to his grave. Not because I don’t want to, but because for some reason, I don’t need to. For me, that’s not where I find peace with him. I find it whenever I need it, no matter where I am. I find it in the sunshine on the way to work, in the red birds I see at random times, in a song that comes on the radio just when I need it.

I imagine that the next 2 months will be hard for us all, remembering how hard we were fighting the cancer just a year ago. Somehow, we will get through it the same way we have gotten through the last 10. Grandma’s memory will be tucked closed to my heart, and I hope that she is up there treating Grandpa, Uncle Galen, and Dad to some good cookin’.

silent sunday.

March 30, 2014 at 7:00 am

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project life: playing catch up

March 29, 2014 at 7:00 am

It’s been a while since I have been able to share a Project Life post. It’s been a while since I have been able to even work on PL honestly. It was packed away, and I was too tired (and lazy) to mess with it while we were in the moving/almost moving/moving again phase.

But now I have a whole new area to work in and am rediscovering all the stuff I had packed away for so long. I felt a little bit more inspired than normal, even though I am trying really hard to stick to my “simple” and “balance” with this year’s album. I don’t want to spend too much time thinking about it.project-life-1So I have been printing pictures like crazy and getting as caught up as I can without making myself feel overwhelmed that maybe I could be missing something. I check my Filofax and try to remember any funny stories. I don’t like playing catch up as much as I do just crafting pages as they come. It’s much more fun that way.
project-life-5Here are the rest:
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project-life-3Little punches of color makes me happy.
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project-life-4I am really enjoying the smaller format. More than I thought I would actually. It is so easy, no over thinking about what “extra” pictures or embellishments I need to add to fill the pockets up. I love that. My mind works better this way, I guess. Hopefully there will be more consistent Project Life posts here since I can spread my stuff out and get to work on it more often. Plus I downsized my stash of stuff and am feeling more refreshed about paper crafting than ever.

filofax favorites: sharpie & staedler

March 28, 2014 at 10:19 am

There are my favorite pens, and then there are MY FAVORITE PENS. The ones that I alway have. The ones that I always use. The ones I am always replacing because I have used all the ink.

I’ve been a longtime stationery and pen addict, especially in high school when colored gel pens were sold in big packs of 20 various colors or something at Sam’s Club. I always saved my money and bought the newest ones. Some I didn’t like (the Milky ones never worked very well for me) and some I loved (Sakura Gelly Roll pens are still awesome).filofax-2After I was injured, I refused to even entertain the idea of having a note taker for college, so I practiced and practiced my handwriting in notebook after notebook until it was small and ledgible again. I was proud of myself, and that is when my love of fine tip Sharpies bloomed. Sharpies require no pressure to get an even, smooth stroke, and that is what I needed, since most of my arm control and hand strength at that most was non-existant. They bled through the paper, but I didn’t care. They worked for me. I never did have that note taker like they thought I would, ha!

When the Sharpie pens came out a few years ago, I swooped them up. They have been my favorites since, of course. And then I decided to try the Staedler pens. They come in different (not better, not worse) colors than the Sharpie pens, and they are just as smooth and easy to write with because they really require no pressure. They do have a thinner stroke, which isn’t a determining factor for me as to whether I like the pen, just what I use it for.
filofax-3I have to admit that I am slightly boring in my use of pens lately, opting for black 8 times out of 10. I do use color, but since I use a lot of washi tapes and stickers, the color is already there. Too much gets confusing and distracting for me.
filofax-1Sharpie pens are my go-to for slightly thicker lines, especially when I am writing onto my washi stickers (the fine tip permanant marker is for washi tapes). They give a bolder look and are just smooth as ice cream (and now the baby is hungry). Staedler pens are for writing my to-do lists within my week and blog schedule because they are slightly thinner. I always have a black one in the pen loop in my Finsbury. After I order a Leuchtturm pen loop, I’ll put my Sharpie in there too.

What are your favorites? Ones you carry all the time?

grandma.

March 27, 2014 at 7:56 am

May she rest in peace.

GRANDMA

My grandmother always
had goulash and buttered bread,
green beans and mashed potatoes
waiting on Sunday afternoons after church
when my parents drove with us eighty miles to visit.
That playground was across the street
and a pump stood in the backyard.

But change happens.

That playground is gone
and she lives in an apartment that can’t compete
with the old living room’s gas heater,
a bedroom with curtains for doors,
and an upstairs that allowed the Baileyville
winter winds to creep through its walls
beginning in November.
That house has been replaced,
a new one stands on its legs.

Mrs. Koch, the original,
is quiet and enduring.
I see her in me every so often
when someone tries to tell me what to do,
to dictate to me,
to offer negativity to those I love.
I see the stubborn.
I see her spark,
generosity unappreciated,
and pride immense.

The scope of her character
maybe even we can’t grasp.

How does one
become so beautiful?

I always thought of my grandmother
as a great pillar, poised for others,
firm and able to hold herself against
the greatest forces thrown,
even hurled at her, during this lifetime.
She is a worrier
without the tears.

I always thought my grandfather,
fixed and defiant in his own way I’m told,
was a lucky man to have been loved by her.

I always have
and I always will.