07 Jul

101 in 1001.

It’s been busy, again, always. Our company was bought by a bigger company so work has been hectic and stressful, but I am hopeful that now that the sale has gone through and we are officially operating under a new name, things will slow down. I’m not going to hold my breath though.

With work being the way it is, I don’t have much time “off” to do any of the things I really want to do. Eventually I will catch up, just maybe not right away.

My favorite one though that I checked off was to drive the RZR. Actually it should say drive MY RZR. Greg bought me a Turbo RZR for our anniversary, and he got the hand controls in last week. It is awesome!!

Start date: January 1, 2014
End date: September 28, 2016

1. Go to a Fork and Screen movie.
2. Have a dinner party.
3. Get a dog.
4. Sell a print.
5. Have a cute picnic.
6. Purge craft supplies.
7. Organize iMac desktop.
8. Try 20 new recipes.
9. Get a new phone.
10. Read 1 Harry Potter book.
11. Make a calendar with my photos.
12. Take a self-portrait every week for a month.
13. Get another tattoo.
14. Get a new Moleskine.15. Make a large script canvas.
16. Watch 10 new movies.
17. Drink 2 bottles of water per day.
18. Learn script art.
19. Crochet a scarf.
20. Eat a macaron.
21. Go to Cheesecake Factory.
22. Drive the RZR.
23. Have a baby photo shoot.
24. Paint my office at work.
25. Plan an extravagant 1st birthday party.
26. Attend a parade.
27. Go to 10 new restaurants.
28. Decorate a nursery.
29. See a comedy show.
30. Be unplugged for one weekend.
31. Go to a roller derby match.
32. Have a play date.
33. Carve a pumpkin.
34. Put money in savings.
35. Watch 5 Kiera Knightley movies.
36. Help with 5 Silver Sundays.
37. Make a drastic hair change.
38. Organize files and important documents.
39. Explore a small town by myself.
40. Watch Gone with the Wind.
41. Go to a circus.
42. Go target shooting.
43. Buy a new maxi skirt.
44. Learn to make pickled okra.
45. Clean out email inboxes.
46. Take baby to the zoo.
47. Enter a photo contest.
48. See the ocean.
49. Go see a play.
50. Buy a new laptop.
51. Adopt a family for Christmas.
52. Pay for someone’s meal in the drive-thru.
53. Organize photos on my phone.
54. Go to a Chiefs or Royals game.
55. Donate to a local charity.
56. Take pictures of snow.
57. Get my eyebrows waxed/threaded.
58. Get a Shellac manicure.
59. Make homemade bread.
60. Make a coffee table photo book.
61. Drink a bottle of our wedding wine.
62. Make sangria.
63. Learn to cook stuffed mushrooms.
64. Rebrand my blog.
65. Make a vlog.
66. Have a friend take my portrait.
67. Partcipate in the Heart Walk.
68. Invite guest bloggers.
69. Visit KC Public Library.
70. Visit St. Louis Zoo.
71. Make 3 thrift store purchases.
72. One week of no Facebook.
73. Buy a new hard drive.
74. Try 5 new beers.
75. Visit a new museum/art gallery.
76. Start a savings account for Baby.
77. Learn to make homemade funnel cakes.
78. Have a girls day with Maria.
79. Send a secret to Postsecret.
80. Decorate new house for Christmas.
81. Help plan a party/wedding/shower.
82. Upload a funny video of baby.
83. Learn to shoot a rifle.
84. Go on a walking tour (The Plaza?)
85. Put a working flashlight in every room.
86. Change door handles.
87. Participate in an Instragram 30 Day Challenge.
88. Celebrate a random holiday. Disability Awareness Day January 20
89. Watch a movie made in 1985.
90. See a shooting star.
91. Try a new flavor of coffee.
92. Buy a new pillow.
93. Go one week without spending any extra money.
94. Take a day off for myself.
95. Buy watercolors.
96. Donate old clothes.
97. Get a raise at work.
98. Gain 10 pounds.
99. Use all current makeup without buying more.
100. Get highlights in my hair.
101. Take a class.

02 Jun

june goals.

IMG_3919I learned last month that most of my “goals” were really just tasks that needed to be done. So this month I have changed it a little bit for myself. I made 4 goals that have set numbers to achieve, not broad generalizations. I think they are definitely obtainable, and they align with my long-term goals of weight gain, photography success, Ms Wheelchair Kansas growth, and self care.

I like that.

1. Hit 1500+ calories 5x per week.
2. Book 2 new clients.
3. Gain 5 MWKS sponsors.
4. 1 day alone to do whatever I want.

What are your goals for the month?

01 Jun


That moment in the dark
while the fan is purring
down its cool air
onto my tear streaked cheeks
is the hardest,
the one when I miss
your advice and your laugh.

And even though I can’t
imagine another day
without you,

tomorrow will come and
you’ll still be gone.

31 May

on self care.

IMG_4771aI’m a mom. That’s my job, my most important one, my favorite one. The one that is the most selfless thing I do, and yet the most selfish because I get to soak up all the love from her little heart.

But I have long struggled with the changes that came with motherhood regarding my time. Mainly my lack of alone time.

I was so accustomed before to having a few hours after work to dive into projects, to write or read at leisure, to journal or watch tv. Sometimes I would spend an entire Saturday afternoon working on Project Life or whatever it is I wanted to do. Now, my time looks very different. Greg usually works later so I come home from working all day (some think that a “desk job” is not hard work—to that I say a big Fuck You) and I cook dinner, clean up, get Reagan’s jammies on and usually play with her until bedtime. By the time I am sure she is asleep for the night, I don’t have hardly enough energy to even think let alone carry out some of the projects I would like to. If I do have any free time, it is spent editing photo shoots or planning upcoming business stuff.

I’m not complaining. I’m really not. I am just recognizing that I need that alone time to myself spent out of the house. And that I don’t ask for it enough. I know my husband would take Reagan for a whole day if I asked. But I don’t. How do you say “I need time away from my kid” without sounding like a horrible mother?

I even recently joined a book club thinking it would force me to sit down and relax, and still, I don’t put near enough emphasis on the time I need to read the book or go to the meetings. So along with beating myself up, I’m a crappy friend too.

This is me. Being accountable to myself and asking for a day once a month or so.

So to you reading this, feeling the same way (I know there is at least one of you out there): don’t feel ashamed to ask for time alone. If it is going to make you a better, more relaxed, HAPPIER mother, ask for it. For an afternoon away. For a trip to Target by YOURSELF. For an hour to read. Whatever it is that fills you up and breathes life into you. Ask for it. Do it.